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WELL SPORTS FANS
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“Welcome back sportsfans!! Squire Bellows here, broadcasting in Hi-Def on the Medieval Sports Network!! It’s been a rough and tumble time here at the 10th annual “Flame Bowl”. We are coming to you live from “MAUL’EM” Stadium in beautiful downtown Schlepperton Falls in the East Kingdom. This has been a real action packed game this first half. The crowd’s been on its feet most of the time. All things considered it’s been a clean contest ---- on the field, that it is.
The stands, however have showcased some of the best “boxing” since “Gladatorial Rome”. We lost a nice couple in the first row of the blue section. The Dragon was going for long yardage, leaning heavily on his time-honored tactics of “burn and run”, and accidentally cooked the distracted spectators as they bartered for a cheese bagel and two cold drinks. But it worked out. The Dragon got yardage and the extra points. Another lady in the second row got popcorn and beer all down her back when the crowd did the “wave”. She turned around and clobbered the guy behind her with a vicious right cross. At last report he was under observation at Medieval Medical and doing well.
The King’s representative, Sir Whoopsalot, has had his moments of glory too, pressing his advantage when and wherever he could. The respective coaches have been quick to send in plays from the sidelines and the water boys have been right there with water and towels. The Dragon’s cheerleaders have had the crowd “fired-up”, (pardon the pun), from the get-go and Whoopy’s “support group” has had the crowd in a frenzy at times.
I tell ya sportsfans, it’s gonna be a GOOOOOD second half.
And now we see the combatants coming back onto the field from the locker rooms. I guess the coaches have spent the last several minutes in rousing tirades of inspiration and degradation to bolster their spirits. The coaches, the team trainers and a few overzealous fans have taken their places on the sidelines and we’re about to get underway.
Let me pause a moment to tell you that tonight’s game is being brought to by “Cramelot Communications. Televised Gossip! Now it’s for everyone!”
OK, we’re about to get the second half underway. The referees have taken up position near the 50yd line and crowd is holding its breath. The Dragon’s up by two points coming into the second half and he knows he’s got to hold the Knight on offense.
There’s the whistle to start the second half here at the Flame Bowl once again.
THERE’S THE SNAP AND THE DRAGON IMMEDIATELY CHARGE’S OFF THE LINE TOWARDS THE ARMORED ONE! I THINK WHOOPY WAS CAUGHT OFF GUARD BECAUSE HE’S LOSING GROUND. SWOOSH, BANG, ROAR! OHH, THAT HURT FOLKS. HE HIT HIM LOW AND THREW HIM FOR A LOSS ON THE FIRST PLAY OUT OF THE SECOND HALF. BUT WHOOPSALOT’S GETTING SOME HELP FROM SQUIRE BOOZELY, THE KNIGHT’S DEFENSIVE COORDINATOR.
OK, THERE’S THE LINEUP, THE SNAP AND BINGO!! SIR WHOOPSALOT SCORES A GOOD ONE TO THE LOWER BODY AND THE DRAGON CAN’T RECOVER HIS BALANCE IN TIME TO KEEP FROM LOSING GROUND. THE REF BLEW THE PLAY DEAD AT, LET’S SEE NOW, LET’S SEE WHERE HE MARKS IT, YES, YES, IT GONNA BE MARKED AT THE DRAGON’S 45 YD LINE. AWW MAN! HE’S HURTING FROM FROM THAT ONE. HE BAR-B-QUED HIS OWN FOOT WHEN HE WENT DOWN. HE’S LIMPING BACK TO THE LINE OF SCRIMMAGE AND THERE’S A QUICK SNAP-------WOW------I’VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT------THE DRAGON COMES OFF THE LINE AND GET’S MET HEAD-ON BY THE KNIGHT AND ENDS UP BEING SACKED BEHIND THE LINE OF SCRIMMAGE FOR A LOSS ON THE PLAY. WAIT A MINUTE-----WAAAITTT A MINUTE! THERE’S A FLAG ON THE PLAY! YEP! I KNEW IT! IT LOOKS LIKE UNSPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT. OLD WHOOPY BIT A PLUG OUTTA THE FLAMER’S EAR AFTER THE WHISTLE WAS BLOWN. LESSSEE, CHECK THE INSTANT REPLAY. YEP, BITING IN THE CLINCH. OK NOW IT’S GETTING PERSONAL! THE CROWD’S ON IT’S FEET AGAIN. MAN!!!! THIS IS TURNING INTO A REAL GRUDGE MATCH. WAIT A MINUTE. THERE’S A TIME OUT ON THE FIELD FROM THE DRAGON’S BENCH. THE DRAGON KNOWS HE’S ON THE DEFENSIVE AND AND IF HE ISN’T CAREFUL THE KNIGHT’S GONNA DRIVE RIGHT INTO PAY DIRT!
NOW THE DRAGON’S GETTING SOME HELP FROM HIS BENCH AND, AND-----I DON’T BELIEVE IT FOLKS, HE’S GONNA TRY THE OLD STATUE OF LIBERTY PLAY. I HAVEN’T SEEN THAT PLAY SINCE COLLEGE! OK. LET’S SEE WHAT HAPPENS. CAN THE DRAGON HOLD HIS GROUND!?!?! THERE’S THE SNAP. THE DRAGON FIENTS BACK, THE KNIGHT CHARGES, THERE’S A LONG FLAME-----THE KNIGHT SEES IT COMING, DUCKS, AND, AND---------I DON’T BELIEVE IT!!!! HE CONFUSED THE DRAGON WITH HIS OWN FLAME AND SMOKE AND DROVE DEEP INTO DRAGON TERRIT0RY. IT’S A GOAL-LINE STAND NOW!! HURRY-UP HUDDLE, LINING UP, THE SNAP AND, WHAT’S THIS?? THE DRAGON FAKED A FORWARD FLAME WHILE DARTING TO THE LEFT AND SENDING FLAMES RIGHT UP THE KNIGHT’S BLOOMERS. SIR WHOOPSALOT FORGOT TO CLOSE THAT BACK FLAP AGAIN. AND THERE’S A TIME-OUT ON THE FIELD WHILE THE WATER BOY DOUSES THE FLAMES IN THE KNIGHT’S LONGJOHNS.
OK, FIRE’S OUT AND THE KNIGHT SLAMS THE BACK “DOOR” SHUT ON HIS SUIT OF ARMOR. CHECKS IT AGAIN JUST TO MAKE SURE IT’S LOCKED. HE WALKS BACK TO THE LINE, SMOKE POURING FROM HIS HELMUT. THE COACHES ARE JUMPING UP AND DOWN. EVERYTHING’S ON THE LINE IN THIS GAME. BRAGGING RIGHTS FOR THE ENTIRE EASTERN KINGDOM CONFERENCE ARE UP FOR GRABS.
ANOTHER HURRIED LINEUP AND THE SNAP!! OHHH. THE KNIGHT LANDS A QUICK ONE TO THE SNOUT AND SENDS FLAMES ACROSS THE FIELD. COOKED THE SECOND CHEERLEADER FROM THE LEFT. THE SMELL OF BURNT POM-POMS WAS ALMOST TOO MUCH FOR THE BEER SALESMAN. CHEERLEADERS ARE REALLY TAKING A BEATING THIS YEAR. WHEELING AROUND, THE DRAGON ATTEMPTS A HEAD-OFF AT THE TWO YARD LINE WITH HIS TAIL. BUT THAT CRAFTY OLD WHOOPSALOT HAS BEEN HERE BEFORE. HE FAKES LEFT, LANDS ANOTHER ONE TO THE HIND QUARTERS AND MAKES A RUN FOR DAYLIGHT. THE DRAGON’S IN HOT, (another pun, Gesshhh!), PURSUIT BUT THE ARMORED ONE HAS A LEAD ON ‘EM. HE’S MAKING FOR THE GOAL LINE BUT THE FLAMER’S TRYING ONE LAST DESPARATE ATTEMPT TO NAIL HIM.
THE TWO, THE ONE, THE LEAP!!
THE DRAGON LETS LOOSE WITH A ROAR. IT’S A NAIL BITER FOLKS!!
FLAMES EVERYWHERE!!
YEAAHHH!! TOUCHDOWN!!!!
WHOOPSALOT SCORES!!
GIVE HIM SIX!!
I TELL YA FOLKS, I DIDN’T THINK THAT MOVING JUNKYARD HAD IT IN HIM. THE CROWD GOES WILD AS SIR WHOOPSALOT PERFORMS HIS PATENTED END-ZONE SHUFFLE! EVERYBODY IN THE END-ZONE IS SWAYING RIGHT ALONG WITH HIM!
UH OH!! THE FLAMER’S ON A RAMPAGE!! HE’S ARGUING WITH THE LINE JUDGE, CONTENDING THE KNIGHT HAD HIS BACKFIELD IN MOTION BEFORE THE SNAP AND WAS INELIGBLE DOWN FIELD. WE’RE CHECKING HERE IN THE BOOTH.
NOPE! HAM-CAM HAS HIM ROCK STEADY AT THE SNAP AND UNDER THIS YEAR’S RULES THE RECEIVER CAN INDEED WEAR HIS PINK UNDERWEAR BEHIND THE LINE OF SCRIMMAGE.
WOW!! WHAT A GAME!! EVERYTHING WAS ON THE LINE COMING INTO THIS CONTEST AND THE WHOLE CONFERENCE WAS UP FOR GRABS.
AND THERE GOES THE GATORADE!! THE KNIGHT’S COACH, (The Wizard!), IS JUMPING UP AND DOWN, TRYING TO SHAKE OFF THE COLD AND YELLING FOR A TOWEL!!
WELL FOLKS, THE DRAGON HAS FIRST ROUND DRAFT PICK NEXT YEAR AND HE’S IMPROVING THE DEFENSE. NEXT YEAR SHOULD BE A GOOD ONE! REMEMBER TRY-OUTS FOR A REPLACEMENT BLOND WILL BE HELD HERE NEXT THURSDAY. CHECK YOUR LOCAL LISTINGS FOR THE SCHEDULE.
SEE YA NEXT YEAR SPORTSFANS.
SO LONG FROM MAUL’EM STADIUM.
WHEW!!
Are we off the air!? Somebody get me a drink!!!!!! |
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